Healing of the Heart Retreat

How has it been almost 4 months since Zachary went to be with Jesus?  I can't believe it.  We have been hanging in there.  We have good days and we have really crappy days.  It is so weird how you think you are doing ok and something will trigger the sadness. 

I have been keeping pretty busy for the most part but coming home to a completely quiet house is hard.  I know there are moms out there that would kill for a quiet house.  I was one of those mom's.  I love having some peace and quiet now and then but this kind of eerie stillness that just reminds me that I lost my baby.  I no longer have the responsibility to care for Zachary and all of his needs which took up 90% of my time.   I am still waiting to see what is next for me. 

I miss caring for Zachary's sick little body.  I long for that one last midnight breathing treatment, one last wipe down with those nasty wipes before one of his surgeries, one last phone call to the crazy insurance company, one last 911 call for an ambulance ride, one last ER overnight stay, and one last diaper change.  I miss it.  I would do it all over again in a heart beat! 

Zachary was such a joy.  He had an amazing attitude even with all the pain he endured.  We miss you buddy.  We will see you again and I CAN NOT WAIT for that day.   I long so bad to smell you, give you a hug and kiss, and tell you I love you so soo much. 

In one week I will leave to go to a “Healing of The Heart” retreat in Fish’s Eddy, New York. Thankful for a friend who told me about this retreat.  This retreat is specifically for bereaved heart moms.  There will be 32 women at the retreat.  I am excited and nervous at the same time.   I am praying this will be a time for healing and rest.  The week will be focused on our angels.  There will be different breakout sessions that we will attend.  I would love prayer for safe travel there and back and just for a time to relax and rest.  Pray for David as he holds the fort down here. 

We would also like to say thank you to everyone who has been emailing, texting, and sending cards.  They are a blessing.  We are sorry we have not been able to send out personal thank you's but know we are thankful from the bottom of our hearts.  Some days its all I can do to get out of bed and make my boys' lunch and get them off to school.  Thank you for the continued prayers. 

One last thing, our new puppy Zippy is doing amazing!!  She is a fantastic puppy and we are all in love with her!! 

At her last vet visit!  She gained 5lbs in 3 months!

Dancing at a party at his dream trip last year!

Look at those Legos!

Snuggles!